Different. Weird. One of a Kind. Extra.

Written by Megan L. Nixon

My career in 911 started 15 years ago. I was looking for a change, and with my husband being in the fire service, a career in public safety just made sense. I took a leap, succeeded, and have loved every (most every) second since. No two days are the same. It gives some real Forrest Gump vibes, “You never know what you’re gonna get”. 

Somewhere along the way, though, I forgot who I was. I lost Megan.

Dispatcher, Supervisor, Wife, Mama, Daughter, Sister, Friend.  Shift work schedules, sports, appointments, kids, groceries, bills, laundry. I don’t have to tell you that the list goes on and on – and on some more. Finding time to care for yourself gets thrown out the window, and you begin to forget just who you are as a person.

What I can tell you, though, is that I have spent my entire life “marching to the beat of my own drum”. 

Wait. Who am I kidding? It’s not one drum. I’ve lived my life dancing around to seven different drum sets, each playing a different beat at the same time, and I just dance along. 

This proved to be a unique quality as a little kid, and I felt that. I loved being different. As an adult, though, this has proven to be hard. Fear of being disliked, being “too much”, or wondering what others think about me. Even as I sit and write this, I am having to give myself a pep talk that other people’s opinions of me are none of my business! Why is that? Why do we try to make ourselves smaller to ensure others feel comfortable? 

I have a feeling those who know me are reading this and cannot believe I am even writing what I am writing. They will probably tell you I am quite unique. Lover of Pink, Glitter, Sparkles, Unicorns. Probably the most spontaneous person in a room due to my singing, drumming, humming, and dancing randomness. I am sure they will tell you if I can’t do anything else for you, I will at least ensure you’re entertained.  Maybe hiding parts of ourselves is not even intentional? For me, I don’t think it is. I don’t feel like I talk to myself and think “Ok Megan. Don’t do that. Maybe you shouldn’t wear that. Don’t laugh too hard at that joke because you might show your sense of humor” etc. – which, in case you’re wondering, my sense of humor is that of a 5-year-old. So, you’ll find me laughing a lot, and probably when I shouldn’t be. 

It is almost like a constant feeling of something missing, like a little part of me is locked away inside, just waiting for her opportunity to break out. Maybe with a little glitter bomb explosion. That would certainly be my style. 

I am on a journey to see myself how others see me and embrace the woman I am, and I hope you will join me! So, where do we begin? I am sure someone with a real education in this department has better answers, but here is where I am starting.

1. I AM…
Go ahead and get yourself an Expo marker and write something on your mirror so you can look at it daily. Write it on a Post-it and stick it in your car, so you'll see it when you're driving. Put it on your phone screen. I don’t care where it is, but what we’re going to do is write a few things about ourselves that we will read each day and BELIEVE!

I am loved
I am worthy of compliments
I deserve to be happy
I am smart and capable
I am fabulous

You choose what you want to tell yourself! Read them. Believe them.  There are days when I want mine to say: I am holding it all together about as well as a house built out of hay in a tornado, and while that might feel true and believable some days, focus on keeping it positive!

2. Dress to impress (Yourself).
As a kid, you could absolutely find me around town in the most ridiculous Moomoo dress, which was less of a dress and more of a nightgown. If memory serves correctly, it was a combination of teal, pink, and flowers! You could have seen me coming a mile away! 

Nowadays, you won’t find me missing any opportunity to dress up and participate in a themed day! Often, at my center, I am the only one dressed and participating. Don’t let the fear of being the only one stop you! Wear the outfit, the loud colors, the different prints! I promise you the number of compliments you receive will surprise you! 

Let your personality shine through your style! It's a good way to rediscover your likes and dislikes simply by opening yourself up to new opportunities and standing out a little. 

3. Step out of your comfort zone.
Baby steps. Try something new, something that seems scary. For me, that is public speaking. The thought of standing in front of a bunch of people who are staring back at me waiting for me to utter something intelligent and life-altering, sends me to anxiety level 3000. I own that, but I am baby-stepping my way into fixing it. 

At the 2024 Virginia APCO Fall Conference, I volunteered to be a “room monitor” in a couple of training sessions. What that really meant was I stood up long enough to say “Welcome, glad you all are here, please step out if you need to make a phone call, the bathrooms are this way, here is your presenter for the day”. Obviously, a little more put together than that, but the way my Apple Watch was calculating my heart rate, you would have thought I was issuing a presidential speech or something.  I did it, though, and guess what?  I survived. One little baby step into the direction of trying something new, then trying a little more next time, and moving one little baby step closer each time.

And let’s not forget me writing this blog. Huge steps out of my tiny little comfort zone bubble. What I have gathered on the journey to figure out who I am is that growth is sometimes found in the uncomfortable moments. 

Life in general is tough, and when you add in the demanding and sometimes traumatic aspects of a career in 911, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are and what the future holds for you. Those in public safety carry the personality trait of a servant; we put others first and take care of people. Take a moment to shift that focus back to take care of yourself. Remember who you were, who you always wanted to be, and what your future holds for you.

If you take nothing else away from this, take this: EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS MAGICAL. PERIOD. Own it and believe it! You can get there. You will get there. One little baby step at a time.

Thank you, Megan for sharing your experience with us. If you are interested in writing a blog, please email amanda@911derwomen.com. Sign up for our newsletter on our homepage to stay up to date with 911der Women programming, exclusive content and blog updates. Click here and scroll to the bottom.