Taming the Imposter Syndrome Beast
Written by Jennifer Kirkland, ENP, CPE, RPL, published December 13, 2022
Have you ever looked at a leader with admiration? “Wow, they must really have it all together! I wish I could be like that!” might go through your mind when you’re watching someone in a leadership position whose actions inspire you. The truth is, the person who appears this way in public: calm, cool, collected, and together, most likely struggles with imposter syndrome at some point in their career.
According to the American Psychological Association, “Impostor phenomenon occurs among high achievers who are unable to internalize and accept their success. They often attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others will eventually unmask them as a fraud.” What does this mean? It means that even those who are in their positions legitimately and through their own hard work and merits can suffer, sometimes cripplingly, from this fear. Psychology Today and HubSpot tell us that 25% - 30% of high achievers may suffer from imposter syndrome, 70% of adults may experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives, and that 80% of men experience the phenomenon, while 90% of women do so.
Obviously, that’s a majority of the population of leadership. I’ll focus on women for this blog, but I caution you against thinking this is a gendered phenomenon. Imposter syndrome can strike anyone, and the effects can be real and damaging for anyone who experiences it.
Imposter syndrome particularly affects women for a variety of reasons. We are high achievers who feel pressure to constantly achieve more and sometimes feel obligated to work harder than our male counterparts to achieve the same results. We feel compelled to be “likeable” because if we are not, we are labeled as “bitches” or worse. We have a higher tendency to be people-pleasers and to compare ourselves to others and come up as lacking (in our perceptions). All this leads to conditions ripe for imposter syndrome—even when we have the skills and credentials to back us up.
Imposter syndrome can show up in a variety of ways, including feeling like a fraud or imposter, anxiety about being “discovered,” discrediting our contributions, feelings of guilt or fear when we are successful, underestimating ourselves, self-limitation, self-criticism and even shame, faking confidence, discomfort with praise and recognition, and an inability to ask for help or advice. While it is normal (and even healthy) for leaders to occasionally question themselves, too much of these feelings can paralyze a leader, hinder their growth and forward progress and impede their leadership to the point where they may be ineffective.
There are ways to manage imposter syndrome when it shows up. First, don’t suffer in silence. Find a mentor or a trusted friend and talk to them about what you’re feeling. When they tell you how well you’re doing, don’t brush it off as “they’re just trying to make me feel better.” This person should be someone you trust to tell you when you’re really off track, and if you would believe them when they tell you this, why wouldn’t you trust their opinion when they’re telling you you’re doing well? Feeling imposter syndrome alone further isolates you and magnifies the effects, so reach out!
Adjust your expectations and thoughts around perfection. Especially in the 9-1-1 world, we are pressured to do it right all the time, every time, and every mistake is magnified. In leadership roles, there really is no perfection. If you’re doing your job correctly, someone will always be there to criticize, because, as Colin Powell said, “Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off.” So do your best, always, and recognize that perfection is an illusion, not a reality.
Feel your feelings, but don’t act out of them. When your feelings come up, acknowledge them, validate yourself, and let them go. What does validation look like? Say you’re lying in bed late at night, rehashing the day, and your brain tells you, “wow, you really messed that up. You’re going to fail. Everyone hates you, etc. etc.” You might be feeling shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, or a whole host of other things. Validation is telling yourself, “Yep, that was a hard day. I don’t blame you for feeling all those things. Anyone would, in your shoes.” Letting go is then telling yourself, “I did the best I could. I’m going to release these feelings and work on action.” Action should come from your core values and your decision guidance, not from your feelings, which leads to the next step in countering imposter syndrome.
Orient yourself around facts. When you’re feeling like an imposter, lay out the facts around the situation. Facts are things that are observable and known for sure. “He hates me” is not a fact. “He interrupted me in a meeting and dismissed my idea without listening” is a fact. Writing down the facts of a situation helps lift your thinking out of the emotional realm and focus on the reality of the situation. You can then make decisions on actions based on facts and logic.
Engage in creative problem-solving. This is another area in which you can recruit help. Creative problem-solving should not be done in isolation, and most leaders are reliant upon their teams. Don’t feel like you have to solve the world’s problems all by yourself. You have a team of talented people, so work with them on developing solutions to whatever it is you’re trying to solve.
Define what success means to you without including the approval of others. This can be a deeply introspective journaling session or a values-board exercise where you cut things out of magazines that represent success, or any other process that helps you clarify this. Only you know what success means to you, but it’s imperative that you have this definition clear in your mind so that when imposter syndrome strikes, you can return to this definition and remind yourself what is important to you, not to others.
Praise yourself on a regular basis. Many of us are uncomfortable “tooting our own horn,” but this doesn’t have to be a public-facing exercise. Maybe set aside a time once a week to list your accomplishments for the week. Often a leader’s accomplishments are not visible, especially in working with personnel, so it’s important that you recognize them. For example, it’s not very “heroic” to spend hours with a spreadsheet determining accuracy in stats, but if you’re spending time on it, it must be important. Find a way to celebrate your accomplishments. You can even do this with your mentor or a peer in the industry and return the favor for them!
Make a list of your strengths. Remind yourself what you’re truly good at. Focus on doing those things that only you can do. You are in your position for a reason!
Set reasonable boundaries to prevent overworking. There’s no point in working yourself to the point of burnout in the quest to “prove yourself.” Leadership is a long-haul game, make sure you have the endurance to make it by not overworking yourself. When you do this, you also model healthy boundaries to those whom you lead, which is a win-win for everyone.
Finally, when someone gives you a compliment, smile and say a genuine “thank you.” Stand in the compliment. Too often, we try to brush off the compliment, play it down, or give others credit. While there is certainly a time and place to give others credit, especially as a leader, it speaks to your confidence (and grace) when you acknowledge someone’s good faith compliment with a “thank you” and a smile. You wouldn’t brush aside an actual, wrapped present the same way most of us brush aside compliments. After all, they took the time to give it to you—accept it for the gift that it is!
When imposter syndrome strikes, and it most assuredly will at some point, practice some of these countermeasures. Know that it is human to feel this way, and don’t let it get in the way of the work you’re doing and the difference you are trying to make in the world. The world, especially 9-1-1, needs strong, confident leaders, and we need to make sure the nagging voice in our heads does not drown out the good work we are doing!
A couple of good books I’ve read that help me stand in logic are It Worked for Me by Colin Powell, and Reality-Based Leadership by Cy Wakeman.
Jennifer Kirkland, ENP, CPE, RPL is the 9-1-1 Center Manager for Grand Junction Regional Communication Center in Grand Junction, CO. She is a NENA instructor, a NENA EAB member, and a Senior Consultant for Fitch & Associates. She is passionate about all things 9-1-1 and a fellow imposter syndrome sufferer.
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