Our Best Boundaries
Written by Hannah Tucker, published September 23, 2022
In March of this year, I found myself crying at an insurance company in the small town of
Clayton NC. I had just gone through another job interview and received another offer. For the past three
months I had talked to so many people and explored so many different avenues and opportunities for
employment, but I still felt empty. I left my job at dispatch in search of something better. Something
that wasn’t so exhausting, or emotionally and mentally taxing. I searched so many places but never
found anything that filled the hole in my soul that dispatch left. In my interview at the insurance
company, they said I would have a chance to help people. That was all I wanted to do, yet somehow this
opportunity didn’t feel genuine. I felt stuck and lost, this nagging feeling not going away. When I chose
to leave the December before, I never wanted to come back. I was constantly overworked,
overcommitting myself, and over-invested in my career. As a result, my entire life was dependent on
who I was in my career. My home life and social life greatly suffered, and mental health was also taking
a hit. My already bad anxiety became severe, and the weight of my perfectionism sat on my chest like a
barbell I would never be able to lift off myself. The pressure of my job was seeping into my personal life,
and I was shutting out the people I cared about. I hardly ate, couldn’t sleep well, and everywhere I
existed was an unorganized mess. I thought getting out would just magically make everything better,
but as it turns out it wasn’t just my work environment or career choice causing so many problems, it was
my lack of boundaries.
Boundaries are the lines that create separation. They can be physical or metaphorical. Personal
boundaries separate your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. They also tell people how
they can treat you by defining what type of behavior and conversation you will accept and what you
won’t tolerate. Without boundaries, people are more likely to take advantage of you because you
have not set your limits about how you expect to be treated. If we don’t set and maintain our
boundaries, we can’t expect people to respect and follow them. While our profession requires use to
have softer boundaries with our callers, it is still possible to hold strong boundaries with our coworkers
and our supervisors. We can also set boundaries in our personal lives, and within ourselves. A
combination of all three of these is vital to a long-lasting and steady career.
Now that we’ve defined boundaries let’s dive in a bit more into why they are important. First,
they create realistic expectations between two people. Whether it’s a friend, spouse, neighbor, or even
supervisor, relationships function best with clear communication and expectations. When expectations
aren’t communicated, they aren’t met, and in turn anger and resentment grow. Boundaries also allow
you to exist as your true self without needing to please others. You can create a definitive separateness
where you can act on your own accord, feel your own feelings, make your own decisions, and ask for
what you want without needing to justify it to anyone else. Finally, boundaries are a form of self-care.
Setting and holding emotional boundaries mean you value your own feelings and needs and that you’re
not responsible for how others feel and behave. This allows you the freedom of not always having to
worry about how others feel and place the accountability of other’s feelings and actions on themselves.
You cannot control how someone else feels and acts, you can only control how you feel and act.
When I got into public service, I always heard the phrase “give it your all, your 100% every single
day.” This is ultimately unsustainable. When we give our all to our centers there is no room for anything
else. We eat, sleep, and breathe 911. Our entire lives, our identities center and function solely around
our jobs, sometimes even extending way past our assigned jobs. We give all our spare time, energy, and
focus to the functionality and wellbeing of our centers. We take it upon ourselves to ensure that things
continue to be functional and hold all that responsibility on ourselves. If something breaks, we
immediately must be the ones to fix it, even if it’s someone else’s job. Ultimately this isn’t sustainable. In
pouring so much of yourself into your career, you neglect other aspects of your life such as your friends,
family, and even your physical and mental health. You will burn yourself out very quickly on this path
and will not be able to maintain a steady career. In exchange, we can set the boundary of consistently
giving out best to our careers. It means that we are consistently putting forth quality effort and as a
result completing quality work. In taking time to rest, recharge, and balance the rest of our lives with
our work, we can improve our performance. Science and research have shown us repeatedly that rest
reduces symptoms of burn-out, increases our ability to problem solve, and makes us more efficient. By
setting and supporting these boundaries we can set ourselves up for success within the workplace.
Being dedicated to your work isn’t a bad thing, but when it’s the only thing we live for then we miss out
on other experiences.
There are several ways to set and support boundaries. First off, remember that “no” is a
complete sentence. Very rarely are you required to supply the emotional labor of explanations when
you don’t want or can’t do something. Most times you can simply say “no,” “no thank you,” or “I can’t
today,” For something more professional you could say something like “I’m unable to accommodate
that request or complete that task at this time.” Setting boundaries assertively can be uncomfortable at
first. When you are not used to being firm or saying no, it can feel unkind or even aggressive. It isn’t
though, and as you set those boundaries it will begin to feel more comfortable. Remember, you are not
responsible for other people’s thoughts and feelings on the boundaries you set. You can exist within
your boundaries as your own person and not carry that weight. If you find that once you set and support
your boundaries you are still having trouble with people not respecting or adhering to them, try adding
other physical safeguards. Think of things like screening your calls when you aren’t someone that is on-
call or need to be contacted for immediate incidents. Additionally, you could set up an autoreply in your
email for when you will be out of town. Even physically scheduling non-negotiable rest can be a
beneficial boundary.
Ultimately, setting boundaries will be better for your health physically, mentally, and
emotionally. By setting boundaries we can ensure we are continuously performing our best. Remember,
careers in public safety are marathons, not sprints, and it’s important to treat it as such.
Thank you, Hannah, for sharing your experience with us. If you are interested in writing a blog, please email 911derWomen@gmail.com. Sign up for our newsletter on our homepage to stay up to date with 911der Women programming, exclusive content and blog updates. Click here and scroll to the bottom.
Thank you to Prepared for supporting Her Voice: The 911der Women Blog Spot.